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Couple Fights: Be Fair

Whether a couple has been dating for a while or is living together in a relationship or marriage, spending a lot of time with each other can cause certain issues to arise. There are many changes that may occur to cause a couple to begin bickering. If these issues are not addressed in the proper way, the bickering can grow into fighting and that can break a relationship. They key to solving problems is to understand what is causing the fights and to learn the art of fighting fair.

When a couple first gets together, each has their own little habits that the other may find amusing. Perhaps one person eats loudly for example. Their partner, being in love, may find this amusing and lovable, the affection that they feel for the other person allows them to overlook any flaws and pass them off as being a cute quirk. Once a couple has spent a good deal of time together, these quirks that were once thought of as cute, may begin to cause irritation. Also, as time goes by, issues are certainly going to arise. Just as a single person must deal with the ups and downs of life, so must a couple. Life is not always fair, it is not always kind and it most unavoidably will throw a curve ball now and again. If a couple has the skills of dealing with the issues that come up, they most certainly can learn to fight fair.

Constant and cruel fighting will produce one of two things: the couple will eventually break up or they will remain in a relationship that is unhealthy and unhappy. Since neither one of those options is a pleasing one, fighting fair appears to be the solution. Whether a person is angry at their loved one for forgetting an important occasion or they have done something that is truly hurtful, following certain guidelines is crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship.

First and foremost, when a person in a relationship is upset about something, that issue should be given what is called a timeout rule. No matter what the issue, if it is brought up while it is fresh, the person who is angry will undoubtedly be the most upset and that is the worst time to talk. Giving the issue time to settle down is a good step in the right direction. If a person has had a bad day, is tired or perhaps frustrated over a different matter, something that seemed to be very upsetting may not seem so bad after it has sat for an hour. If after that one hour timeline, a person still feels there is an issue, it is then time to follow the guidelines of fighting fair.

The person who feels angry and offended should try their absolute best to refrain from yelling. When a person is yelled at, even if they know they are in the wrong, human instinct kicks in and they will react in defense. It is a matter of self preservation. The partner who is angry should approach the other person when things seem quite and it appears to be a good time to talk. Trying to choose a time that will have a minimal number of interruptions is a good idea. When fighting, it is best to seriously consider it a discussion. If a person refrains from yelling, name calling and throwing things, an issue certainly can remain just a discussion and not turn into a fight.

To be fair, the discussion should not involve past acts. As it is, there is already an issue to discuss, bring up past mistakes and errors will only cause a defensive reaction from the other person and will diminish any resolution. When an argument ensues, it is very helpful to show respect for each other and give yourself the “turn” rule. Following this rule is simple; each person is given a certain amount of time to talk, three minutes for example. When that time is up, the other person must make a statement showing that they listened and understood. Then it is their turn to speak and their partner must show the same respect in return. Following this fighting fair method, this can quickly lead to a happy ending. Once couples fight fair and the ugly side of arguments is taken away, a relationship can grow into a wonderful union.

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